Poker night
by devilhunter123
Summary: A poker night at Devil may cry. A.N. a brief intermission while I plan my final chapter for trilogy of error


**Poker night**

_With nothing to do at Devil may cry. Vergil has suggested a poker night to keep them entertained, but the guest list seemed absurd in both Dante's and Vergil's eyes but they go through with it anyway. What could possibly go wrong?_

"So, let me get this straight you want to invite Arkham, Beowulf AND Agni & Rudra!" said Dante "you know I hate them for three reasons!"

"I KNOW!" said a bored Vergil "you told me this five times, they tried to kill you, they never stop talking and…" he put on a whining voice "They never bring pizza!

"Well at least you're listening to me," said Dante "now I have an important question: who's getting the pizza!"

"I don't know, ask whoever you're inviting, and please don't tell me its Trish, Lady and Lucia!"

"Okay, I won't tell you then." Said Dante "what time are we starting anyway?" he asked

"About seven," Said Vergil checking his watch it was four o' clock "we better get ready."

They got out the poker table and some chairs, Beowulf and Agni & Rudra would have to stand (or figure out a system of weights and pullies.) Vergil would mix the drinks but Dante caught him trying to spike his drink and they decided Trish should do it as she was a relatively neutral party. Dante went to get the pizzas and other random snacks (gasp!). When he came back Vergil said that he got everything ready including a dozen lawsuits for all of them which all specified 'attempted murder' They really were ready, now to finish the getting ready part of their day Dante shouted " I like short shorts!" as he was wearing his lucky shorts.

There was a knock at the door Vergil said in a frilly voice "Oh my God, oh my God their here!" he answered the door it was Agni & Rudra. Upon seeing them Dante said horrified "Oh sweet Jesus, someone kill me now!" he put his head into his hands "Y'know for a half Devil you always act like a wuss!" Lady had just entered the room followed by Lucia and Trish who were talking to each other. They were apparently talking about which twin: Dante or Vergil was the evil twin. Arkham came in next reading that book of his he just said to Dante "Nice shorts." smiled a very creepy look-of-interest smile and sat down. Dante shuddered violently. Beowulf knocked the door down shouting "Adversaries, let the games begin!"

"After ya pay for my door you S.O.B!" said a jaw dropped Dante

"Oh fine," mumbled Beowulf taking out his credit cards "do you take "Mundus card?

"Nope."

"Mallet Island express?"

"Nope."

"V-eye-sa."

"You mean Visa, then yes. Now then, let's play some poker."

They made Agni dealer first he dealt out the cards Vergil looked at his hand as he grabbed a slice of pizza he had an ace and king of spades he actually might have a chance of a royal flush but he had to play it cool so he asked Arkham a question: "Hey Arkham, why do you always carry that book?"

"None of your damn business!" said an indignant Arkham "that information is restricted to my family."

"So what is it anyway?" asked Lady

"It's a joke book if you must know you freakin twat! There I hope your happy I'm huffing with you now Vergil!" said Arkham who now went deadly silent

"Why do you have a joke book anyway, you don't exactly have a sense of humor, dude" said Dante who was fiddling with his shorts to stop them going 'north for the winter'

"What about Jester?" Asked Lucia

"He's a skitso, he's the one who gave us these cool bodies!" said Rudra feeling his legs

"I use Aloe Vera on mine." Said Agni

"Can we play here?" said a pissed off Trish she had been waiting for twenty minutes and she'd already finished an entire pizza box. Agni turned over the final cards. Vergil held his breath: a Jack of Spades, a Queen of spades annnnnnnd "come on! " Thought Vergil "one more and I can buy another Yamato!" it was a nine of spades! Vergil's eye twitched Dante saw this and screamed "HIT THE DECK!" Dante, Lady, Lucia, Trish and Arkham dived off their chairs and under the poker table

"What the hell is wrong with him?" said Lucia

"Easy, he missed a royal flush so now he's busy killing slash destroying everything he sees. Don't worry it'll be over in a few minutes." Dante reassured them.

**Two hours later**

"Any minute now." Said Dante, he was shaking his legs to get the feeling back into them.

"You said that two hours ago!" said Lady

"Is it safe to get a drink?" inquired Lucia

"What am I? Psychic?" said Dante "take your chances. 3/1 she gets stabbed!"

"I'll take that bet!" said Arkham enthusiastically handing him thirty pounds.

"You're on." Dante replied "you are aware he's been asleep for ten minutes. That will be ninety pound please!" Holding out his hands

"You…Bastard." He gave Dante the money reluctantly. This was Dante's lucky day.

Vergil peeked under the table and said to them "it's okay now, I'm calmed down. You can come out now I won't kill you."

"You won't kill us Verge, but I'll kill YOU!" he lunged at him "you totaled my shop!" he broke down sobbing. The place was in pieces Beowulf seemed to be in a million pieces and Agni & Rudra were impaled on each other Vergil started to cry "I'm so terrible!" he sobbed "I shouldn't be allowed out of the house!"

" that's okay Vergil we forgive you." Said Trish.

"C'mon everyone GROUP HUG!" Said Arkham. They all hugged him except Dante who was wallowing in the corner.

"Good-bye everyone!" said Vergil waving everyone off. He closed the door and said to Dante "that went rather well wouldn't you say?

"No." he said flatly "you killed three people and totaled my office!"

"Don't worry I made some calls it will be fixed by tomorrow, it will all be sorted, I swear on your life, Dante!" he said confidently while smiling maliciously

Dante crapped himself. Literally.


End file.
